- First 10 Minutes:
Tricks your eyes & attacks your critical thinking skills
The philosophoric acid corrodes your mind’s ability to distinguish which hats you can get away with and which ones will make you look ridiculous. It’s at this point you look in a mirror and notice that a wispy neckbeard has been growing ever since Jeffrey Tucker told you to stop using shaving foam. You think it’s sexy stubble and you whisper “beast mode” at your self.
- 20 Minutes:
Can switch on beast mode
The discovery of your glorious lion’s mane of a neckbeard coupled with your mistaken belief that ladies love a manchild in a fedora, may lead you to display misogynistic behaviours and get suspiciously defensive when anybody mentions patriarchy. Other beastly characteristics include assuming that being nice to a woman means she owes you something, and confidently telling off SLANCAP admins because you got banned from Anarchist Memes, a separate page run by entirely different people. That’s irrelevant to you though because the aspartame in Mtn Dew has calcified that part of your brain that knows commies don’t have a collective cyborg hive mind.
- 40 Minutes:
Can cause euphoria
The potentially deadly combination of caffeine and wearing a hat that’s too small for you, restricts the supply of oxygenated blood to the brain. You reassure yourself that everything is ok and that if racism, sexism, ableism, homophobia and transphobia aren’t a problem for you, then there’s no problem!
- 60 Minutes & Beyond:
Can deplete nutrients, make you hungry & thirsty for Cheetos
When your sweaty neckbeard becomes saturated with fizzy wetness that never quite goes dry, your body is naturally going to crave the only thing absorbent enough to dry it out – Cheeto dust! It ain’t easy being cheesey, but you got this brah! Just shove large handfuls of cheetos in to your mouth quickly while continuing to breathe through your nose. The arrythmic cycle of your heavy panting will naturally distribute the dust throughout those hard to reach areas of your face and neckline. This kind of redistribution is ok because it’s not what commies do.
For more information about the dangers of becoming a stereotypical caricature of an “Anarcho”-Capitalist, visit Still Laughing at “Anarcho”-Capitalism (SLANCAP) at – facebook.com/slancap
Please prax responsibly.